


12:00

by troublemaker (shoseilovemail)



Category: JO1 (Japan Band)
Genre: Ambiguous Relationships, Angst, Drabble, Ghosts, Kissing, M/M, Not really a healthy relationship, no beta we die like real men, ruki is bitter, very ambiguous in general u know me
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-08
Updated: 2020-12-08
Packaged: 2021-03-10 06:41:32
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,219
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27960104
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/shoseilovemail/pseuds/troublemaker
Summary: But Ruki persists, still takes and gives to Sho, because he loves Sho and Sho loves him. It's a haunting of love, a wish to linger, to keep.
Relationships: Shiroiwa Ruki/Yonashiro Sho
Comments: 4
Kudos: 10





	12:00

**Author's Note:**

> You're gone, gone, gone away  
> I watched you disappear  
> All that's left is a ghost of you.
> 
> Now wait, wait, wait for me  
> please hang around  
> I'll see you when I fall asleep.  
> \- _Little Talks_

It's twenty to midnight.

The screen tells Ruki that much when he glances at it, and his body tells him more - mainly a terrible ache in his fingers and his eyelids that are begging for a break. Still, Ruki allows himself to only yawn and continues on with his work.

Typing, typing, typing - there's no break for him; he has to submit this assignment by midday tomorrow. Something about the influence of classical musicians on modern pop - not something Ruki is particularly passionate about. He knows that Sho is, though.

He yawns again, and wonders where Sho might be right now - he must be resting, and Ruki shouldn't disturb him. He's still longing for the older's warmth, though-

Ruki blinks and stares at what he's typed, unintentionally.

_wish you were here._

He shakes his head, and lifts his fingers once again. Just a bit more, a bit longer that he has to endure. He sees the clock strike midnight briefly, but doesn't _realize_ it. Just a bit-

The door creaks, and heavy feet make their way into Ruki's dorm. He doesn't need to look for who it is. He knows by the silhouette cast on his wall, the footsteps and the cold air accompanying _him_.

Him. Sho.

Ruki flinches, but warms up when Sho wraps his arms around him from behind the chair - tenderly, softly. The feeling he misses every moment, every day and night and in his dreams, too.

"I missed you ", Ruki exhales. Sho hums and puts his chin on Ruki's shoulder - a part where his jumper hangs down, exposing cold, naked skin.

"I haven't been gone for too long ", Sho whispers softly, into Ruki's bare shoulder. Ruki shudders, but holds onto the warmth, the tiny hit that comes from Sho.

"Every moment without you feels too long. " Ruki replies - slowly, a faint whisper, almost inaudible. He brings his hand up to feel Sho's cheek against his skin. It's cold, as it always is - but that's what Ruki gets and what he accepts. What he takes.

Sho brushes over Ruki's knuckles with his thumb, and Ruki knows, that it's time to take.

Sho steps back with feathery light feet, making almost no sound. Ruki pushes himself up, turns and faces Sho.

He can see it in the older's eyes, and Sho sees it in his certainly, too. All those big, big words - passion, affection, care, lust, trust, yearning, _love_. Fancy words, words that he can wrap himself in to feel wanted, _loved_.

He takes a step closer and another - then it's an automatic reaction. Sho slings an arm around his waist and another goes to Ruki's neck, bringing their lips together. Sho is cold against Ruki's skin, but together, they produce warmth.

It's always like this - Ruki lets himself melt into Sho. He jumps into the warmth like a sea as to envelop himself fully without. He's greedy, needy, all that. All those big, bad words.

And Sho tells him as much - _you're bad Ruki, so bad_ , he whispers into his ears, and Ruki frowns only a little because it feels like he's talking to himself.

But it's okay, because it's Sho, and sometimes relationships are like this, right? It's giving and taking. Ruki gives and Sho takes. Most nights; it's a reoccurring circle, a returning dream.

_Dream_ is a word to describe what Ruki feels. When Sho's on top of him, pressing another kiss onto tender skin. That's where the line between reality and delusion gets fickle and blurry; that's where Ruki starts dreaming. An euphoric state, where the world is perfect and he feels content.

Maybe Sho also gives, kind of - it's his touch, his warmth that make Ruki feel so good; he forgets everything and lets himself just _feel_.

Sho also kisses all those scars that cover Ruki's body, some from Ruki, most from Sho. The pain fades, replaced by sweet, sweet love. He misses the big scar on Ruki's heart, though.

Ruki takes from Sho, too, in a sense - because Sho comes back for him, from far away, almost every night. But Ruki doesn't know what Sho's thinking, will never know.

_I love you_ , Sho whispers, softly; sweetly. He sits up, stretches - and in the blink of an eye, he's at the door.

"Do you want some coffee before you go? ", Ruki asks, sleepy. Sho nods, "Sure. "

Ruki feels those cold arms around his waist again when he presses the button on the coffeemaker.

No one says anything, there's just the humming of the machine. Ruki absent-mindly runs a thumb over Sho's biceps. Even more things run through his head, and he wonders if Sho's got things running through his head all day, too. Probably not.

The machine beeps, and Sho, as swiftly as ever, takes the cup and makes his way to the door. Ruki stays at the counter, for just a little longer, then follows him.

Sho nods, and smiles, gently. "See you soon ", Ruki says. "I'll miss you. "

"Then remember, I'm never gone. ", Sho reassures him. He waves with his big hand and Ruki suddenly wants to hold it. But the door's open, so he refrains from doing so.

And then, within the blink of an eye, Sho's gone - has come, given and taken.

Ruki's left.

He closes the door, careful to not make any sound. He groans and falls onto his couch. Sho's been there _with Ruki_ just a few minutes ago, but nothings left. No trace of Sho.

Probably, Ruki thinks, it's part of their relationship - Sho comes but never stays, gives but never lingers, goes but never disappears. Ruki always stays, always lingers, always gives. Some would call him haunted, but Ruki doesn't like that word.

It feels demeaning, for what Sho means to him. Sho's always there _for him_. He stays for Ruki, and Ruki keeps him for himself.

People tell Ruki he shouldn't cling too much to what's ultimately gone, tell him that'd make him bitter, but he doesn't care - maybe everything in you dies at 22, just like Sho died.

But Ruki persists, still takes and gives to Sho, because he loves Sho and Sho loves him. It's a haunting of love, a wish to linger, to keep.

Perhaps Ruki's lost much that he convinces himself that he has everything - everything, that is Sho.

It might not work, might not heal, might not stay.

And when he falls asleep, his dreams are black and blank - his true dreamscape is long gone, a fickle of a person, a ghost of love. He wishes he could have it, but it's not granted to him.

Even though Sho's cold and robotic and nothing like the _real_ Sho, the one that once was, Ruki yearns for his warmth. It's strange, maybe, this wish - but who is Ruki to care?

More than anything else, Ruki wants for Sho to come back, and Sho will, as long as Ruki wants to see him.

But Sho will never stay, because they're not meant to be anymore - the universe tore them apart, to find warmth somewhere else, a warmth that will linger, finally.

Ruki feels cold when he wakes up, but he always is, so he freezes during the day until he can see Sho again.

Ruki smiles genuinely and Sho smiles bitterly when they meet - but nothing changes, will never change.

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading! Please leave a comment or find me on [ cc ](https://curiouscat.qa/Shoseilover) or [ twt ](https://twitter.com/shoseilovemail)


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